god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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