Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
