Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
