i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
