He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
