My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
