So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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