Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
