my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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