worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
