i just wanna soil my oats bro
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So vagazzling was a success
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
