I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
