No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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