So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Boobs speak an international language.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
