She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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