and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im holly from the hills drunk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How naked do you want me to be?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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