I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
