you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So squirting runs in the family.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
