Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
