does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
