So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
