just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
