He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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