Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
