i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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