So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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