You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
