the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
