I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
