i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
