The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
