can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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