so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
