you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
