Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
