Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
