I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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