Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
