You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
