One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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