Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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