she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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