you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
