Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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