Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm too high and old for this...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
