when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up under a house in Key West
So. Much. Porn.
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