when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
