I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
