Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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