It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
